9. Victim Blaming and Barriers

On this episode of What Compassion Accomplishes, Becca and Cory are joined by the WCA's 2021 Spring Outreach Intern, Jess! Listen to their conversation on how victim-blaming can happen with both domestic abuse and sexual assault and how there are many different barriers to getting help if you are in an unsafe situation. 

If you or someone you care about have experienced domestic, dating or sexual violence please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 or one of the WCA's 24-hour hotlines at 208-343-7025 or 208-345-7273.

Follow us on social media!
@wca_boise

For more information and resources, check out these websites!
wcaboise.org
lovisrespect.org

Want to hear a specific topic? Contact us at outreach@wcaboise.o 

Transcript

Intro: 0:01

Welcome to What Compassion Accomplishes a podcast dedicated to sharing information, ideas and resources about domestic abuse and sexual assault. The topics discussed in this podcast, including survivor stories, supportive services, and domestic abuse or sexual violence can be difficult, and we urge you to listen with care. Our hosts are not licensed counselors or mental health professionals. If you or someone you care about have experienced domestic dating, or sexual violence, please call the WCA 24 hour hotline at 208-343-7025 or the National Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-7233. You can also find more resources in the description of this podcast.

Cory Mikhals: 0:54

I am Cory Mikhals along with Becca Maguire, Outreach Specialist with the WCA. And this is another episode of What Compassion Accomplishes. Well, hi there, Becca.

Becca Maguire: 1:06

Hi, Cory. How are you?

Cory Mikhals: 1:07

I'm great. You want to introduce our guests this week?

Becca Maguire: 1:11

Yes, of course. So we have a very special guest is my WorkU intern for this spring. Her name is Jess! Jess, you want to introduce yourself. Give us a little background on what you've been doing this semester for the WCA.

Jess- Intern: 1:25

Yeah, of course. And thank you, Becca for bringing me and Cory. Thank you for having me here. Also. My name is Jessica Hubner. And I am a student at Boise State University with our WorkU program working with the Women's and Children's Alliance. I am studying a bachelor's in public health and this has been a great opportunity. With the Women's and Children's Alliance, I have been working on social media campaigns for Sexual Assault Awareness Month with a focus on victim blaming and childhood sexual abuse.

Cory Mikhals: 2:01

All right, and that's going to be a big topic of what we're talking about today. But real quick for you just what what made you decide on the WCA for your internship?

Jess- Intern: 2:16

I am very passionate about advocating and sexual assault and domestic violence. Sadly, I've had a couple of people I've know been victims. So last year in one of our courses, we had to choose a topic of Boise State for health prevention program, and I was interested in domestic violence and that's how I researched WCA and got into it.

Cory Mikhals: 2:39

Well, welcome. I know everyone at the WCA sure is glad you chose them. Now, you had mentioned victim blaming. And, you know, I think most people can just take you know, on the surface what they and and try and think about what what definition they want to give that. But what is really victim blaming, and you've learned and you've been working on here in your internship?

Jess- Intern: 3:09

Well I have defined victim blaming as his statements or actions towards someone that suggests that they are fully or partially responsible for the sexual assault or domestic abuse or they could have done more to prevent it.

Cory Mikhals: 3:24

Okay, which you know, a whole lot about, like denim days, you know, and so many other that's just a big example. But Becca victim, victim blaming, that's, that just goes right down the line of so many other types of ways of mental and verbal abuse, to try and keep them keep them down. Keep control over...

Becca Maguire: 3:50

Oh, yeah, I think that a lot of the times People probably don't think that their victim blaming with their statements. But I also think that a lot of the times people, victim blame to get someone to stop talking about someone, something that happened to them any experience, really shutting them down, making it, I mean, honestly, sexual assault is a really uncomfortable topic. In general, it's not fun to talk about. It's awful. It's a really bad thing that has happened to someone and being able to come forward and saying it and then someone saying, Well, what were you wearing, that can really damage someone that can really hurt somebody, it can really put them back in their shell, when they need help. They need healing. So just different statements that can really affect someone.

Cory Mikhals: 4:40

well, and you know, the victim blaming a lot will happen from the, from the abuser, you know, this, they did something, you know, whether it's physical, what financial, mental, and go well, if you hadn't had done this, I wouldn't have had to do that. Exactly. When you know that is completely asinine, but that's the type of phrasing that will get said to continue to keep, keep that person down. But then also Becca, you brought up a big thing. And I know Jess, you had brought up. You had a couple of friends that had been through, through this. As a friend, as a family member or someone who is close to someone if they come to you, and they even hint at the fact that they, that something happened that shouldn't have, that, you need to listen to them. Don't just go, Oh, well, you survived, or, yep, probably shouldn't have wore that dress or shouldn't have done this shouldn't have done that. And then yeah, it just, they're going to shut down. And that might have been the one and only moment where there was a crack in the armor, that they would have let out that emotion. And instead, they soldered that sucker shut, and they're never gonna let it out again, at least no way healthy.

Becca Maguire: 6:06

Yeah, no, of course. And it's really unfortunate that someone coming to you with something that, something awful that happened to them, and you say, Oh, I don't believe you. Or Oh, you should have done more to prevent this. It's really, really important to believe survivors, and validate what they have experienced is true, not only for their healing, but also I think, if someone else has ever experienced domestic abuse, sexual assault anything of this sort, and they hear someone say, yeah, this happened to me, it can be really validating for someone else to come forward. And it's not just reporting to police or maybe going to get a rape kit or going to the WCA for therapy. It could be anything to help them heal. And we know that like reporting to police is not always something that someone wants to do, or even getting a rape kit done. A lot of it can just be saying that, being validated. And then that can lead you to like I said, your healing journey.

Cory Mikhals: 7:12

Yeah, absolutely. Now just what can we do, in your opinion, as a community to be able to prevent the victim blaming victim shaming, and avoiding some of these barriers that we were talking about?

Jess- Intern: 7:34

I feel like the best method, would it be bringing awareness about what victim blaming is and not follow like cultural norms of maybe rape culture that we can see, and sometimes it's unintentional with the way our community is, but avoiding statements such as like, you could have been more careful. You should not left your friends and the big one, as we were talking about earlier, what are you wearing. Not making statements like that. A lot of it is providing support and just being conscious and aware of what you're saying and how that may affect people. And that's a general statement in this as well as life in general.

Cory Mikhals: 8:09

Oh, absolutely. And in so many ways. Well, you know, what are? What are some of the common barriers to getting help in an abusive situation? Obviously, the victim blaming can be one of them, because they just have taken on that role of being the one that caused it somehow, if I hadn't said that, if I hadn't have looked that way, if I hadn't had done that with my hair, where literally none of that matters. Because no one ever, ever deserves to be abused. But what are some of the other barriers that are out there that keep someone from finding that help and getting out of that abusive situation?

Jess- Intern: 8:55

I feel like there are many different barriers and reasons as to why people stay in abusive situations, victim blaming being a big one. Other reasons could be that they still love the individual, they hope that they're going to change, they hope things are going to get better. They could be scared of victim blaming or how like their friends and family may perceive them. Or maybe they won't get the help that they need. If they have children in the family. They could be scared to leave their children put them at more risk to abuse or leave them with the abuser. Or the fear of just the abuser coming after the family and the kids. There could be financial reasons. language barriers, especially if they're a refugee or an immigrant and they don't speak the common language in the area. That could be a big one. They might not feel like they can get the help that they need because they don't speak the language. Another thing is location and rural communities. Sometimes we don't have resources that are close to those communities.

Cory Mikhals: 9:57

and then no neighbors close to, you know, them. Yeah, that's a classic thing trying to isolate them away from people.

Becca Maguire: 10:06

Yeah. And it's really a reality in Idaho. Yeah, Boise, Meridian, Eagle, our area or Treasure Valley area, even Canyon county is really dense in population. But I mean, you go 40 miles north, and there's no one there, there's no resources, there's not access to transportation. It's, it's difficult rural areas are, are difficult.

Cory Mikhals: 10:28

They are and you know, and as mountainous as our beautiful state is, you know, you head north and up into the mountains, little, little towns, little communities, but then little cabins just off not even attached to a community. Another one that I saw a lot of was where an abuser takes their, their spouse, the other person, the family unit, whatever it is, and moves them to a different state where that person has zero connection. And so again, they don't even have the friends there to be able to reach out if they have that moment of clarity of strength to be able to say, yeah, I'm ready to get out. Well, there's no one here for them. Yeah. And I've heard that over and over again, from survivors who just said, I didn't have anyone.

Becca Maguire: 11:23

and most likely their abuser is not allowing them to make relationships and friendships, they'll say things like, Oh, you only need me, I'm the only one that can take care of you. Things like that. And they aren't able to go out and actually make connections and friendships. Mm hmm.

Cory Mikhals: 11:41

So now what are in terms of community resources, if you do have that, more population around, obviously, getting into the isolated rural areas, that type of thing, that's a whole different challenge. But if you're around it, and you're scared, what advice would you give to someone in that situation? Just

Jess- Intern: 12:12

I guess my first piece of advice, would... are you saying just in rural areas?

Cory Mikhals: 12:18

No, I'm just saying in general, no, I'm just saying if someone the resources around people are around, but someone is scared, what, wnd is like, I don't know where to go, I don't know what to do. What would you tell them?

Jess- Intern: 12:33

I believe the first step for if I was in the situation, I'd probably personally try to find someone that I trust and can provide me support. That would probably my first step is to tell the story to someone. Other ways they can do is if you're in school, you can try to find a school counselor or someone you know you has resources, you can check your workplace and see what resources they have connected to. Friends, family, anyone you don't think will judge you and you'd feel safe.

Cory Mikhals: 13:04

Right? And if you don't have or don't feel safe with any of those. Again, there's always, there's the WCA, that's why we're here. Is to have that safe understanding, no judging, none of that. There are people that that are here to be able to help guide you to that other side.

Becca Maguire: 13:26

Yeah, I think I hope. And I think it's really important to let people know that you are not alone. Like as alone as you feel. And as down as you feel, there is someone that will help you and there is help, there's ways to get help, you are not alone. And you deserve to be free and and have a happy life. And there are there are different resources available to you.

Cory Mikhals: 13:53

And also remember, take this out of this episode, please. It does not matter what you wear it, Okay, as as a father, I know that but that's a whole different subject. But no, it doesn't matter what you wear, it doesn't matter what you might have said early in the evening, later in the evening, it doesn't matter. any of that. If there was not consent, it is not your fault. I don't care what anyone tells you. I don't care how anyone tries to make you feel. Always remember that because if you remember that fact that it's not your fault, and that you are not alone. There's help. And we have in the description. There's all the help lines for you to be able to contact. There's web links for to be able to find more information as well. And I hope if you haven't started your journey, to hope and to that strength and to the beauty that of the world that you deserve. I hope this may be the way for you to be to start and to know that there are lots of people that care. Well Becca as always, thanks for being on. Thank you, Jess. Thanks for choosing the WCA for your internship and for being on with us.

Jess- Intern: 15:23

Yeah, once again, thank you for having me. It's been a great experience.

Cory Mikhals: 15:27

And we will talk again on the next episode of What Compassion Accomplishes.

Intro: 15:33

Thank you for listening to this episode of What Compassion Accomplishes. Again, if you or someone you know has experienced domestic abuse, dating or sexual violence, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 or the WCA 24 hour hotline 208-343-7025